The first four chapters of this Autobiography were written during the year 1945. Chapters five and six were written in 1947. These dates are significant in relation to world events at that time.
The first typed manuscript was rewritten in 1948. The entire writing was reread by Mrs. Bailey and certain corrections made. Various people worked with Mrs. Bailey at different times on the text and copies of portions were given to a few people for comment. In some cases these have not been returned but in all cases they are incomplete, inaccurate in certain particulars and not finally approved by her.
Four more sections of this Autobiography were planned but were never written. The mounting pressure of the world-wide, organised work for which Mrs. Bailey was responsible, the confused and strained conditions of humanity to which she was sensitively attuned, the sense of futility and therefore of negativity of men of goodwill everywhere which she sought strenuously to offset, the strain of inadequate finances for the expansion of the world-wide work and the frustration and disappointment of inability to meet the need and often the inability to take advantage of opportunity because of mere lack of dollars—these were some of the pressures which combined to produce a condition of utter exhaustion. The physical vehicle was given no respite. The heart and blood condition grew steadily worse.
During the last two years of her life she fought against these pressures and conditions with a truly iron will. Her First Ray personality rose to the final effort in response to the demand of her soul. It was in 1946 that she made the decision to refuse invalidism. Each day therefore, as it had been her life's custom, she worked to the limit of physical capacity regardless of fatigue or pain. She chose to go out actively working and still on the job. This she did. Even during the last days in the hospital in New [x] York in 1949, she received visitors, consulted with the senior executives and wrote letters.
When the hour of death arrived her own Master K. H. came for her as He had promised long ago.
The morning after her death I sent the following letter to thousands of her students and friends all over the world.
This letter brings you word of the ending of one cycle and the opening of another more useful and less restricted cycle for your true friend and mine, Alice A. Bailey. She was released, peacefully and happily, Thursday afternoon December 15th, 1949.
As we talked together that last afternoon she said, "I have much to be thankful for. I have had a rich and full life. So many people all over the world have been so kind to me."
For a long, long time she had wanted to go and had been held only by her strong will to finish her job and by her ardent desire to complete those arrangements for the future of the Arcane School which would best help you and me to be better servers of our fellowmen.
She had fashioned and moulded the pattern of our School through the years with the precision of her keen mind and filled it with the magnetic potency of her own great long-suffering heart.
Some have asked why she should have had to suffer—for she did suffer mentally and emotionally as well as physically. I alone know how triumphantly she opened herself to receive the impact of many types of destructive forces so rampant in this time of world turmoil and how amazingly she transmuted them, thus safeguarding all those hard pressed, struggling aspirants and younger disciples who have come to her and to her School through the years.
By far the greater part of her life work has always been subjective. We have seen the outer [xi] effects, watched the outer comings and goings, helped her and loved her, sometimes criticised, sometimes complained, but always gone on, with her and because of her, yet a little higher and a little better than would otherwise have been the case. We are all very human and she was very human too.
Why did she suffer? Because her chosen path is on the line of the World Saviours. She has gone back to her own Master K. H. for yet more daring work with Him for the Christ.
She asks us to keep the Arcane School bright and shining as it is now, to keep it filled with the saving power of a world-wide gathering of loving hearts, which it is, and to see to it that we truly serve.
(Signed) FOSTER BAILEY
December 16, 1949